A brief journal on 2022-03-03
I was honest with my manager today about my lack of productivity and my feelings of self-doubt surrounding one team member’s seeming disappearance and another’s illness*. I am wondering if I am somehow driving them crazy. I know this is insane but I still entertain the thought. I have PTO tomorrow so I will get some down time.
*they are both ok
The following I believe to be a teaching from my inner guru:
It is important to know what you are and what you are not. You have a heart that pumps blood, yet you are not the heart nor the blood. You have lungs that breathe air, yet you are not the lungs nor the air. You have a gut that digests food, yet you are neither of these. You have a thinking mind that thinks thoughts. Remember this, you are neither the thinking mind nor its thoughts. The effects of the thoughts that you observe the mind thinking include feelings of guilt, shame, anger, and fear. You are not these feelings that you have observed being felt. As a result of these feelings, you may become depressed, perpetuate unloving thoughts, feel uncompassionate, selfishly withhold joy, and act in an unpeaceful way. This is not you nor has it ever been.
Know now that you are not these thoughts nor the effects of them. The egoic system is a clever prison that offers no escape. It hides the very fact that you are not trapped nor does confinement exist in reality. By releasing our attachment to our unloving thoughts we can begin to realize freedom. By letting go of our aversion to the effects of these thoughts we will forgive ourselves and embrace compassion for others who can also be forgiven. We will see that our negative thinking resulting in feelings of apathy, anxiety, and self-doubt are only projections of an illusory system. There never was a prison and we have never been trapped in this pain and suffering. It is only a story that we thought and felt was real.
I make these promises to you. Once we realize these delusions for what they are, true reality can be seen. Complete love and care for ourselves and all others has never been denied to us. An understanding of the distress we all feel as a result of identifying with this false story of the thinking mind makes it possible to give forgiveness freely to everyone that has been a victim of its flawed fantasy. The ability to connect and share freely with others the joy of being our true Self and an understanding of the reality of peace which exists without limit will become apparent. This has always been available to you as a light that shines constantly and can never diminish. It has been here for you eternally and will never be denied to you. I will wait patiently through all time until you are ready to accept this truth and partake freely in the love that has always been offered to you and all others. This is my promise.
Zen Momentum 